I want to be as educated as possible so I can help make the best treatment decisions, but it’s frustrating because there are a lack of resources and support groups compared with my first experience with breast cancer. I don’t want to add to the burden my family and friends are already feeling from this diagnosis. I’m not sure how to act around them because they aren’t sure how to help me. I don’t even know how to help me. Where can I find other women like me?
I’m constantly reminded that my cancer isn’t going anywhere and I’ll be on treatment for the rest of my life. But I’ve wasted enough time being angry and upset. I have to keep moving forward and accept that this is my new normal. I need to be strong for my family. MBC is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s now part of who I am. I want to live life to the fullest. I just have to redefine what “fullest” means.
She’s accepted her reality and I guess I need to as well. I know she doesn’t like to lean on me and that her first priority is being strong for us no matter what happens. All I can do is continue to offer my love and support.
I’ve fought for a long time and I don’t know how much longer I have. I want to make sure I can live the rest of my life on my own terms and spend as much time as possible with my family, without the daily impact of treatments. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my journey will eventually end, and my family must too. I’m able to control my anger and fear now because I know that my life has meaning and purpose.
The end is unavoidable, but I’m doing everything I can to make the rest of her life as comfortable as possible. When she finally succumbs, I’ll have to step out of the darkness of losing a patient and use the memory as motivation to help as many other patients as I can.
For all the years she’s been a brave, devoted figure in my life, the least I can do is be there for her now. It’s hard to mask my emotions and be happy around her. Every day is a struggle to accept the fact that she’ll soon leave us, but I want to be with her as much as possible and make the most of the time we have left together.
Treatment was going so well but stopped working just as I was getting used to it. I was prepared for this to happen...at some point. I’m disappointed because I thought it would work longer. Now when I have a checkup, I get nervous about what the scans will reveal. I’m hopeful because I still have options, but my experience with chemotherapy was grueling and jeopardized my quality of life. I’ll do anything to avoid it, but after each failed treatment, I know I’m getting closer and closer to the end.
Unfortunately, our treatment goals will need to continually adjust as we face new progressions. It’s still my job to treat her as best I can, but I need to remain realistic while keeping her quality of life in mind. As we exhaust our options, I feel like my job becomes more about dosing hope and staying positive for her.